How to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity!!!

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences! With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8 Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14 Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15 Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile.
Its Called ..... Therapy!!!

Light Summer Recipes!!!

Pasta with Corn, Zucchini and Tomatoes!

This vegetarian dish is both colorful and delicious.
Ingredients
Salt and pepper
3 Tbs. extra virgin olive oil, or 2 Tbs. oil and 1 Tbs. butter
1 C. corn kernels (from 2 or 3 ears)
1 C. diced zucchini or summer squash (from 2 or 3 small vegetables)
1 medium onion or 3 or 4 shallots, diced
1/4 tsp. minced garlic, optional
1 or 2 sprigs tarragon
4 plum or 2 large tomatoes, diced
1 lb. cut pasta, like penne
Directions
Set a large pot of water to boil and salt it. Put 2 Tbs. oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat and add corn. Cook, stirring occasionally, until corn begins to brown. Add zucchini and some salt and pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until zucchini begins to brown. Add onion or shallots and garlic if you are using it. Cook, stirring occasionally, until onion softens, about 5 minutes. Add tarragon and cook for 30 seconds, then tomatoes. Put pasta in boiling water and cook until tender but not mushy, 10-15 minutes.
While pasta cooks continue to cook sauce, reducing heat when tomatoes begin to break down. If sauce dries out (with plum tomatoes, this is likely), add some pasta cooking water, about 1/2 C. at a time. When pasta is done, drain it, toss with sauce and remaining oil or butter, and serve immediately.

Fruity Spinach Salad

A salad with all sorts of ingredients that truly go well together. Mix up some spinach with fresh mushrooms, red onions, cantaloupe and green grapes
Ingredients
1 cantaloupe half, seeded and skin removed
7 C. torn fresh spinach
1 C. chopped fresh mushrooms
1 C. thinly sliced red onion
1/2 C. halved green grapes

Dressing
3 Tbs. sugar
2 Tbs. orange juice
2 Tbs. vinegar
1 Tbs. chopped onion
Dash pepper
1/3 C. vegetable oil
1 tsp. poppy seeds
1/3 C. chopped pecans, toasted.
Directions
Cut melon half in 1/2 inch rings, then into 1 inch pieces; place in a bowl. Add spinach, mushrooms, onion and grapes. Chill for at least 2 hours. Place sugar, orange juice, vinegar, onion, orange peel and pepper in a blender, cover and blend until smooth. With blender running, gradually add oil until slightly thickened. Stir in poppy seeds. Cover and chill. Just before serving, pour dressing over salad and toss. Top with pecans. You can substitute other fruit such as strawberries or blueberries for the grapes, or other types of melon.

Summer Iced Tea

A subtle black tea with a hint of fruity flavor. A great way to wake up.
Ingredients
5 teabags English Breakfast or other black tea
2 teabags blueberry or peach tea (Celestial Seasons is nice)
1 qt. of water
2 Tbs. honey (optional)
2 qt. pitcher filled 1/2 with ice
Directions
Boil water, add tea and steep for 6-7 minutes. Add honey if using. Pour tea over the ice in the 2 qt. pitcher, then fill with water to make 2 qts. Keep well-chilled.

FRIDAY'S DID YOU KNOW?

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to
pick the little "stringy things" off of it. That's how the primates do it.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.
If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.
It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.
It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.
To really make scrambled eggs or omelets rich add a couple of
spoonfuls of sour cream, cream cheese, or heavy cream in and then beat them up

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste
of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.

Leftover snickers bars from Halloween make a delicious dessert. Simply
chop them up with the food chopper. Peel, core and slice a few apples. Place them
in a baking dish and sprinkle the chopped candy bars over the apples. Bake at 350
for 15 minutes!!! Serve alone or with vanilla ice cream. Yummm!

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a nonstick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low
and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on
the cooking channel and it really works.

Easy Deviled Eggs
Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up. Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing
it up mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg. Just throw bag away when done easy clean up.

Expanding Frosting
When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer
for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes
with the same amount. You also eat less sugar and calories per serving.

Reheating refrigerated bread
To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in
a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food
moist and help it reheat faster.

Newspaper weeds away
Start putting in your plants, work the nutrients in your soil. Wet newspapers,
put layers around the plants overlapping as you go cover with mulch and for-
get about weeds. Weeds will get through some gardening plastic they will not
get through wet newspapers.

Broken Glass
Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.

No More Mosquitoes
Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.
It will keep the mosquitoes away.

Squirrel Away!
To keep squirrels from eating your plants, sprinkle your plants with cayenne pepper.
The cayenne pepper doesn't hurt the plant and the squirrels won't come near it.

Flexible vacuum
To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel
roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in nar-
row openings.

Reducing Static Cling
Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt
or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose.
Place pin in seam of slacks and ... ta da! ... static is gone.

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water.
Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup. Next, add your ingredient, such
as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield
Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of
your car . When the window s fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside,
just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Viola! It unseals
easily.

Conditioner
Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and
leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you
bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

Goodbye Fruit Flies
To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2" with Apple Cider Vinegar
and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the
cup and gone forever!

Get Rid of Ants
Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants They eat it, take it "home," can't
digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works
and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

INFO ABOUT CLOTHES DRYERS
The heating unit went out on my dryer! The gentleman that fixes things around the
house for us told us that he wanted to show us something and he went over to the
dryer and pulled out the lint filter. It was clean. (I always clean the lint from the fil-
ter after every load clothes.) He told us that he wanted to show us something; he
took the filter over to the sink and ran hot water over it. The lint filter is made of a
mesh material ... I'm sure you know what your dryer's lint filter looks like. Well ...
the hot water just sat on top of the mesh! It didn't go through it at all! He told us
that dryer sheets cause a film over that mesh that's what burns out the heating unit.
You can't SEE the film, but it's there. It's what is in the dryer sheets to make your
clothes soft and static free ... that nice fragrance too. You know how they can feel
waxy when you take them out of the box .. well this stuff builds up on your clothes
and on your lint screen. This is also what causes dryer units to potentially burn your
house down with it! He said the best way to keep your dryer working for a very long
time (and to keep your electric bill lower) is to take that filter out and wash it with
hot soapy water and an old toothbrush (or other brush) at least every six months.
He said that makes the life of the dryer at least twice as long! How about that!?!
Learn something new everyday! I certainly didn't know dryer sheets would do that.
So, I thought I'd share!
Note: I went to my dryer and tested my screen by running water on it. The water ran
through a little bit but mostly collected all the water in the mesh screen. I washed it
with warm soapy water and a nylon brush and I had it done in 30 seconds. Then when
I rinsed it ... the water ran right thru the screen! There wasn't any puddling at all!
That repairman knew what he was talking about!

INTERESTING HISTORY LESSON!!!

Railroad tracks. This is fascinating. Be sure to read the final paragraph; your understanding of it will depend on the earlier part of the content.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they use d for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Romebuilt the first long distance roads in Europe (andEngland ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification/ procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the r ear ends of two war horses. (Two horse's asses.) Now, the twist to the story: When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The eng ineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything...and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else.

Older Than Dirt!!

My friend Angie (Love The Prim Look) sent this to me. I cant believe how many I remember LOL I hope you all enjoy it too!!

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. ! 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER! owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 5. It was, of course, black and white,

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 4. It was an old black Dodge.

I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM
every morning. On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?

Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about
Ratings at the bottom.
1 Blackjack chewing gum
2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines
8. Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels)
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16 Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19 Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are the best part of my life.

I scored 25 on this quiz!

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends...

This & That Junk Drawer Wednesday!! Decorative Antique Blocks From Milk Cartons & Southern Fried Chicken Supper!!!

Create these decorative antique blocks from recycled milk cartons!

I love recycled crafts, and this is one of the best. These vintage-look antique blocks are gilded with aged, cracked varnish (craquelure) and glazed to highlight the cracks. This traditional technique has several variations. You can buy the craquelure finish in a kit, or make it yourself..

The folks at VintageImageCraft.com generously share images, tips and tutorials for creating vintage illustration crafts, such as these cool crackled blocks made from used milk cartons. These blocks would look great on the mantel year-round — just change them out according to the season

To receive detailed instructions with pictures for making these blocks than click on Vintage Crackled Blocks

Southern Fried Chicken:

Thanks Paula Deen for the best fried chicken I have ever made! It has a nice, savory flavor and a coating that has just the right amount of crispiness. Although it calls for what seems like a lot of hot pepper sauce, it isn't any spicier than Jack-In-the Box's Spicy Crispy Chicken--you can take it!! I'm not saying it tastes like KFC--only that you won't be doing business with them anymore.
Ingredients
2 lbs cut-up chicken
Sauce mixture
4 eggs
1/3 cup water
1 cup hot sauce (I use Louisiana Hot Sauce)
Seasoning blend
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/4 teaspoons fresh ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
Dredging mixture
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
Directions
Heat peanut oil in a large deep pot to 350°F (do not fill more than half full--you don't want a hot-oil spill-over accident!).
For sauce mixture: in a medium-sized bowl, beat the eggs with the water.
Add hot sauce and whisk together well.
Pour this mixture into a large plastic zip-top bag.
For seasoning mixture: In a small bowl, combine 1 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper and 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder.
For dredging mixture: In a another bowl, mix flour, baking powder and 1/4 teaspoon salt.
Rinse and pat dry chicken pieces with a paper towel.
Cut breast pieces in half across ribs.
Sprinkle chicken generously on both sides with seasoning blend.
Drop a few chicken pieces of chicken into bag of sauce mixture and squish around to coat thoroughly.
One piece at a time, roll chicken in flour mixture and drop into hot oil.
Don't crowd chicken pieces--I cook about half the chicken at a time.
Fry chicken until brown and crisp.
Drain on paper toweling.
Dark meat will take about 14 minutes, white meat about 10 minutes.
Remember smaller pieces cook faster than the larger ones.
You can check for doneness by piercing to the bone in the thickest part with a fork.
If the juices run clear, it is done

Loaded Mashed Potatoes:

6 lbs idaho potatoes, peeled and quartered
1/2 cup butter
1 head garlic, roasted
1 (12 ounce) carton sour cream
milk
1 (8 ounce) package sharp white cheddar cheese, grated
1 1/2 lbs bacon, julienned and browned
1/2 tablespoon salt
2 teaspoons ground black pepper
Directions
In large stockpot, cook potatoes in enough salted water to cover until tender.
Drain and return to stockpot.
Add butter, garlic, and sourcream; beat with an electric mixer until smooth.
Add a little milk, if needed.
Stir in cheese, bacon, salt, and pepper. Serve immediately.
Enjoy!

Milk Gravy:

1/4 cup bacon grease
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups milk warm
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoons pepper
2 tablespoons melted butter
Heat bacon grease in a cast iron skillet. Add the flour and whisk until smooth and bubbly about 1 minute. Add the warm milk slowly and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a low simmer and stir, until thickened, about 5 minutes, adding milk as necessary to control the thickness. Add butter until mixed in. Season the gravy with salt and pepper. Serve hot over biscuits.
This will have more flavor if you use 1-2 tablespoons of oil from the oil you fried the chicken in. If you don't have that, no need to worry, you can use vegetable oil or vegetable shortening.

Buttermilk Biscuits:

Ingredients:
3 cup all-purpose flour
2 tablespoon sugar
2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup vegetable shortening
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup melted unsalted butter
Directions
Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Cut in the shortening with a fork until it looks like cornmeal. Add the milk, a little at a time, stirring constantly until well mixed.
Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface. Knead lightly two or three times. Roll out the dough with a floured rolling pin to 1/2-inch thickness. Cut with a 2-inch cutter.
Place the biscuits in a greased iron skillet. Gently press down top of biscuits. Brush the biscuits with half the melted butter. Bake for 14 minutes or until golden brown. Brush the hot biscuits with the remaining butter.

"Twenty One Weeks Down That Road Again" Creating Vintage Crackled Look!!!

Happy! Happy! Happy! to report that I lost 5 pounds last week...I am so very please with that, especially sine I have been losing such a small amount each week...

Creating vintage crackled look with white glue or Fragile Crackle:

How to crackle the old fashioned crackle way (shabby looking crackle) using WHITE LIQUID GLUE:

First paint on your "base" color (the color you want the cracks to be) and let dry
Then apply a layer of glue (I use Elmers). Layer thickness will determine size of cracks (thick coat for large deep cracks - thin for thinner cracks)
Don't let glue dry completely, just let it tack up a bit (5 min or to touch)
Then apply final contrasting paint color "top coat". Be sure to load your applicator with paint to cover in 1 stroke because overlapping paint strokes will result in no cracks.
Once dry, apply sealant to your art project for protection. Use matte spray finish purchased at Walmart

Buy Anita's Fragile Crackle which you can purchase at Michaels Craft Store when you want a smaller more detailed crackle (reminds me of cracked egg shells)...It creates a smaller, completely different looking crackle to that of the white glue crackle finish which has more the shabby older version of crackle that we're all used to seeing.

Anita's is a 2 bottle/ 2 step process with really easy instructions:

paint with base color
brush on step 1 & let dry
brush on step 2 & let dry
age with stain or inks.
coat with matte spray sealant

Easy peasy...I just wanted to explain different crackles, as well as provide info on how to get that different look...