Be Careful Around Old People!

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "Why don't you eat the peanuts yourselves?".
"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate covering."
It pays to be careful around old people!

Employee --"Rich Hall computer assistance; May I help you?"
Customer--" Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect ."
Employee --"What sort of trouble?"
Customer --" Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Employee -- "Went away?
Customer --" They disappeared."
Employee --"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Customer--" Nothing."
Employee --"Nothing?"
Customer --" It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
Employee --"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer --" How do I tell?"
Employee --"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"
Customer--" What is a sea prompt?"
Employee --"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen? "
Customer--" There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Employee --"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer --" What's a monitor?"
Employee --"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer --" I don't know."
Employee --"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer --" Yes, I think so."
Employee --"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer --" Yes, it is."
Employee --"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer--" No."
Employee --"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Customer--" Okay, here it is."
Employee --"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. "
Customer--" I can't reach.”
Employee --"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer--" No."
Employee --"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer--" Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark."
Employee --"Dark?"
Customer --" Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Employee --"Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer --" I can't."
Employee --" No? Why not?"
Customer --" Because there's a power failure."
Employee --"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer --" Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Employee --"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer--" Really? Is it that bad?"
Employee --"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer --" Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Employee --"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!

Halloween Munch!...Bark!...Brittle!...Snack!

Um, Um, Good!!!...Gonna like this Halloween Munch..

Fast and easy to make...Tastes like a Payday Candy Bar..

Recipe:

1-12 ounce can Cocktail Peanuts

1-11 ounce bag M & M'S

1-10 ounce bag Candy Corn

Pour all ingredients into a bowl and mix well

Peanut Butter Snack Mix Recipe

Ingredients:

3 tablespoons honey

2 tablespoons butter

3 tablespoons peanut butter

4 cups Chex cereal (assorted wheat and corn) 2 cups mini pretzels 1/3 cup peanuts

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 175F.

2. Combine honey, butter and peanut butter in a microwave-safe bowl and heat until smooth. Combine cereal, pretzels and peanuts in a large bowl. Pour peanut butter mixture over cereal mixture and toss to coat. Spread on baking sheet and bake for 1 and 1/2 hours.

Chocolate Candy Corn Bark

Ingredients:

2-cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

1-cup white chocolate chips

1-cup candy corn

1. Prepare a cookie sheet by lining with alumium foil.

2.In separate bowls, melt the chocolates in the microwave or over a double boiler.

3. Stir 1/2 cup candy corn into the dark chocolate, and pour the chocolate onto the foiled pan. Ising a spoom or spatula, smooth the chocolate out in an even layer. It does not have to cover the whole pan.

4. Take a spoon and scoop small amouths of white chocolate over the dark in a random pattern. Use a toothpick or the tip of a knife to swirl the two chocolates together. Don't swril too much, you want to be able to see the distinct chocolates in the end.

5. Place the remaining 1/2 cup candy corn over the wet chocolates, sprinkling randomly and pressing them gently into the chocolate until they adhere.

6. Put the chocolate in the refrigerator for 30 minutes to harden.

7. When the bark is firm, remove it from the foil and break it.

This great recipe is from Elizabeth LaBau.

Popcorn Brittle Recipe

This snack combines the sweet crunchy texture of brittle with the airy saltiness of popcorn. Great as a gift for the holidays or for the kids to munch on Halloween.

Ingredients:
14 cups freshly popped popcorn (made from 1/2 cup popcorn kernels and 2 tablespoons canola oil)

2 cups sugar

1 cup light corn syrup

1 cup water

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon unsalted butter, plus additional for greasing

1 tablespoon unsulfured molasses

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions:
1. Lightly butter 2 large (15 x 11-inch) baking sheets and a rubber spatula or wooden spoon.

2. Working in batches, place 2 cups popcorn in food processor. Pulse until crushed into small pieces. Do not overprocess. Repeat with remaining popcorn.

3. Stir sugar, corn syrup, water and salt in a medium saucepan over medium heat until sugar dissolves and mixture is simmering. Clip a candy thermometer to the inside of the pan and continue heating undisturbed until temperature reaches 270F (about 10 to 15 minutes). Mixture will boil vigorously.

4. Stir in butter, molasses and vanilla. Continue heating until temperature reaches 290F (between soft- and hard-crack stages).

5. Remove pan from heat; stir in crushed popcorn. Working quickly, pour mixture over prepared sheets. Using the buttered rubber spatula, press evenly to flatten like peanut brittle. Cool to room temperature on a wire rack and break into chunks.

Makes 1 pound.