Wednesday, October 14, 2009

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.



FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture..
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...



7 comments:

mommynoodles said...

Hee-hee!! That is funny!! And I had to tell a family member that before that they live here and you don't! And I was serious! lol She told me to lock my cat in my room and get him away from her! Ummmm,don't think so! And duh people they sence when you don't like them and then they are on you like white on rice!! lol I love it!!

Natalie,

Black Sheep Lisa said...

LOL, I love that Sue!! All that applies here at my house!

Carmen C. said...

LOL, SO TRUE!!!!!

Domestic Goddess said...

Oh MY!!!! I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks! You just made my morning. Thanks

Domestic Goddess said...

Oh My! I'm lauging so hard I am crying. Too funny and a great start to the day! Thanks

KatHreN said...

funny...that is so true...I love my pets and our toy chihuahua thinks this is his house and he owns us...lol he has such a personality.
kathren

Michele said...

This is hysterical! I just have to share this with those I think need a good chuckle. I just love your blog, Sue! ~.~