Thursday, January 15, 2009

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK......

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
THIRD: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" sh e would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. O ne day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple thanked me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
SIXTH: We were at Cabella's shopping for Christmas items...my BIL was there with us...his birthday had just past and he had recieved a gift card for another sporting good shop named "Dick's"....well, know that a lot of stores accept competitor gift cards....he thought he would see if Cabella's would accept his. So, the lady rings him up...gives him the total amount...and he looks at her calmly and asks, "Do you accept Dick's?!"...Well, she was quite taken back by this and yelled for management!...We were laughing so hard when he had to show them he meant his Dick's gift card!...the young lady was so embarassed, she didn't even finish ringing him out, the manager did!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

7 comments:

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

Ohhhhhh That is sooooo Funny.
I thionk it is a good point though we often do mauch asking and not having faith to really hear or believe the answer we recieve.
But Kids in Particular will always ground you and teach you humility...lol!!

Jacque said...

Too funny! And, not nearly as funny, but one time my Gram walked into the butcher shop and said, "I'm looking for a good piece of meat." My Mom was embarrassed at the time and she never let my Gram forget it.

Char said...

Oh My goodness!...that is too funny!...here is one that happened with us and my BIL.

We were at Cabella's shopping for Christmas items...my BIL was there with us...his birthday had just past and he had recieved a gift card for another sporting good shop named "Dick's"....well, know that alot of stores except competitor gift cards....he thought he would see if Cabella's would except his.

So, the lady rings him up...gives him the total amount...and he looks at her calmly and asks, "Do you except Dick's?!"...Well, she was quite taken back by this and yelled for management!...We were laughing so hard when he had to show them he meant his Dick's gift card!...the young lady was so embarassed, she didn't even finish ringing him out, the manager did!

Audrey said...

Please come to my blog and accept an award. There are NO RULES - the a way of saying thanks for having a wonderful blog.

lesley said...

They all made me titter but the last one made me laugh out loud. I'm afraid I have a few of my own like that. And my mum has some corkers! It must run in the family! Thanks for the giggle. xx

Pam said...

Sue its already cold here. Brrrrrrrr....Stay warm

Hugs pam

Sugar Bush Primitives said...

Omigosh! I am reading this at midnight and am trying so hard to keep from laughing out loud and waking everyone up.