1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
3.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
4.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
5.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
6.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
7.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
8.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
9.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
10.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
11.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
12. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
13.. Procrastinate Now!
14.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
15.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
16.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
17..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
18..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
19..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand
times the memory.
20..Ham and eggs¦A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
21.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
22.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
23.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too
short and friends are too few